Course correcting

*Whew*. Its been a very long time... A lot of things have happened. One of the biggest things that I have had happen to me was actually something that I can now see was a necessity in order for me to grow. It was in fact the most difficult thing that I have had to go through in my life. I've loved deeply and lost greatly. I was indeed in love with someone. I know, weird. But some things you just can't control. I haven't been able to share my story with many people for a long time, and actually, I didn't even share my "problem" with my mother until a week after it had happened. I had fallen in love with someone. Someone who I really believed was my soulmate! An absolutely perfect guy, but lets be honest, nothing is perfect. My life was looking bright and hopeful! Unfortunately, I have to say that it just didn't work out. I had learned the hard way that sometimes the power of the adversary is too great and difficult for some people to overcome and there just isn't anything I can do to change the decisions that he made... I stopped going to church for a while because it was too difficult to listen to the lessons and know the choices that he had made were pulling him farther away from Heavenly Father, and thats really what killed me...I couldn't go to church for a good while before I could listen without tearing up. I've finally found a way of forcing myself to go to church and listen and pay attention to the lessons and teachings, because I understand that regardless of HIS choices, I have a choice to make now. I could live life as if I was broken into pieces, give in to what the adversary wanted and let it take over my whole self, or I could continue attending church and do the things that would bring me eternal happiness and let me progress in becoming the person I know I can be. Unfortunately, I chose the wrong path for a while, but I finally saw the light and the love I receive by following my Heavenly Father. I've received more love, support and comfort than I ever have. Even though its been a while now since it had happened, I do still have my days where I just want to lock myself in my room and cry. Sometimes, I give in to that temptation. But I am thankful that its not every day as it was before. I get lonely. Very lonely...I see almost all of my friends getting married left and right as well as having families and growing with them, and I look at myself and realize that I don't have anyone who can give me that kind of fairytale love and I get upset. However, I still have my hope and faith that there will be someone else who will be perfect to me and TOTALLY worth the wait...Its just taking him awhile to get here. Well, I feel so much better getting this out. Now you can know and understand why I am the way that I am sometimes. Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never met, but one thing I do want to say, is that I don't regret anything, even if my past was full of hurt. I still look back and smile because it made me who I am now.  Thank you for taking time to read this entire post! It really means a lot. Haha congrats, you made it!